Sex..it is such an important but confusing part of our lives. Is it sex with no penetration, no orgasm? What does it mean when it happens? These are qestions I ahve struggled with my entire life. It is pleasurable and enjoyable, but it takes time to overcome the negative implications that have been associated with enjoying and being open about sex.
For me,making love, or having someone tell me they love me during sex is the worst possible thing to say in the heat of the moment. When I have sex it is to fuck, enjoy it, be passionate, but fuck. Fucking doesn’t not mean love and lice versa. Love is a deeper, far scarier and often more detrimental beast than simply fucking. It is difficult because I have learned to show affection through sex, offering it up for many reasons, often times to get what I want or to feel worthy. Does that make me a whore, probably…I have indeed traded sex for access to extra money in my marriage. I have used it as a peace offering to end an arguement. Sex is powerful and in the end it is what you make it, but it certainly does not equate love. This is my biggest sexual challenge and something I deal with everyday. I do not know why it is easier to say “Come fuck me hard”, than to say ” I need to be held and feel your arms around me”. In the end, it is my vagina, I control it and how it is used, it is my bargaining tool if I choose to use it as such, and damn does it ever feel good when it is fucked just the way I want it.